


things you will never understand

by taxcab



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:32:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxcab/pseuds/taxcab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>anathema.</p><p>tyler makes a mistake. josh leaves tyler.</p><p>tyler starts writing a blog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. what i felt as you left the house with a bag full of our memories

**Author's Note:**

> My heart is yours,  
> It's you that I hold on to,  
> That's what I do,  
> And I know I was wrong,  
> But I won't let you down,  
> (Oh yeah I will, yeah I will, yes I will)
> 
> Coldplay / Sparks

i still remember the day you left me, josh.   
i was begging you to stay, i was crying on the cold floor.   
you didn't care at all.   
i couldn't do anything. now, i wish i did.  
you picked up your favourite shirt and threw it at me. ''You can keep it.''  
i kept it josh. it doesn't smell like you anymore. it's faded, like you.   
i cried my heart out but you didn't even care.   
i guess i was too disgusting.  
i didn't deserve your love and concern.   
i miss you.  
you left our house with a bag full of our memories at 11pm.  
i watched you getting in your car, crying.   
i made you cry.  
i'm sorry.   
you drove away.   
i felt disgusting, insignificant and gone.  
i am no one without you.   
it's been a week.  
you changed your phone number.   
blocked me from everywhere.   
without you, i feel like i am punching the wind.  
without you, i have no reason to stay.  
please, come back.


	2. 2. why i had sex with that dude last night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song you should listen to  
> Parks, Squares and Alleys - We're Not Just Friends  
> Flower Boy - Lemonade  
> Lucy Rose - My Life  
> Vance Joy - First Time  
> hope you like them too

last night i went to a bar all alone.   
it was only 10pm and i was drinking everything i could found.  
i was sitting on a uncomfortable, red bar chair.  
then i saw him across the room.  
he was looking to me too.  
he looked liked you, josh.  
he had a beard.  
he had brown hair.  
his clothes were similar to yours.  
he sat next to me.  
he smelled like you: chocolate, mint and cheap cigarette.  
he made me feel blue.  
we drank together, talked for a while and he leaned in for a kiss.  
i kissed him back. oh my god, i'm so sorry josh. did i betray you again?  
he deepened our kiss.  
''My apartment.'' he said.   
so he drove me to his apartment.  
he kissed me again.   
his kiss wasn't lik yours.  
your kiss is full of love, his kiss were full of hate.  
he was angry like the time you left me.   
he was like you.  
but something was missing.  
he didn't love me, but you did.  
he was all over me, i want to forget his touch and focus on you.   
i miss you josh.  
come back.


	3. why i feel ugly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs u should listen to  
> beach fossils - fall right in  
> beach fossils - shallow

i went outside to buy food yesterday.   
as i was walking on the pavement i saw you with a girl.  
she had ginger hair and a pretty smile.  
she was thin. you were holding her small hands.  
she was looking at you, you were looking at her.  
i was wearing a plain white shirt and a black short.  
she was wearing a floral printed dress.  
i guess you have a thing for people who wears floral printed clothes, right?  
i watched your lips move, making their way to her lips.   
i stopped, watched as you held her waist and kiss her.   
you smiled, i fell in love again.  
she touched your face and i died.  
she was beautiful.  
she was elegant.  
i was ugly and stupid.  
stupid for loving you.  
you started walking again, your eyes met mine for the last time.  
i ran away.


	4. did everything feel beautiful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs you should listen to 
> 
> oh wonder - body gold  
> oh wonder - shark  
> of monsters and men - love love love

i still dream about you.  
i feel your hand connecting mine.   
i feel your breath behind my neck.  
i feel your eyes on me.  
i hear your warm voice, calling for me.  
i see your rosy hair on my chest.  
i smell you.  
it feels like you are still here.  
but the truth is your hands are in her hair.  
she feels your breath on her forehead.  
your eyes are on her.  
and your rosy hair is on her pillow.   
and i am all alone again.


	5. my mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a person who is weird around you. in a bedroom. all alone. with a flower boy. so sad, so sad. i thought we would last.

let's talk about my mistakes, joshua. i know i made so many mistakes.   
mistake number one: i let you in.  
mistake number two: i let you go.  
mistake number three: i made you sleep alone that night.  
mistake number four: i kissed someone else.  
mistake number five: you told me not to hurt myself, but i couldn't help.  
mistake number six: i thought we would last.

and more.

wanna know what's my biggest mistake?

i loved you.


	6. drowning is a regular thing for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glass of water - coldplay  
> poppyfields- coldplay  
> hope you like them

2:43 AM  
i had a nightmare.  
you aren't here to comfort me.  
you're a drug i used to take everyday.  
now the bottle is empty and there is no way i can find it again.  
but i'm craving you.

 

you used to distract me from everything.  
you didn't let me think about the bad things.  
but you're empty now.   
and they are back.

you called me the other day.  
i couldn't answer it. i'm too scared to talk to you.

i don't know what to think about.  
i am trapped.  
i am drowning.  
maybe, just maybe i can swim to the surface.  
with your help.

 

do you feel like a big boy now, josh?


	7. O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they fly on.

sometimes i wonder how birds feel like.  
wind in their feathers.  
they can go anywhere they want.  
they can fly away.  
they are free.  
one minute they arrive, next they are gone.  
sometimes i look at the sky, pray so i can feel the warmth of love just for one second.  
i want to be free.  
i want to fly away, with them.  
in the yellow and orange sky.  
above the ocean.  
under the white clouds.  
i want to be free.  
but you won't let me be.


	8. you are not coming back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little reminder that this fic will end soon

4:08 AM

the smoke is rising from the house down the street. 

your smell is gone.

your voice is gone.

i don't want to die alone. 

you called me again.

i didn't answer.

i don't want to cry.

i want to forget.

i haven't been eating.

but it's okay.

i'll see you soon josh.


	9. devil eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where to find me  
> twitter - rabllve  
> curiouscat - taxcab

you came to see me today.

you knocked on the door.

called my name

. after 30 minutes and 17 seconds, i opened the door.

you hugged me.

i pushed you away.

you said sorry. why?

it was my fault. i wasn't loyal.

we started talking.

''do you love me josh?''

you stopped.

''my heart belongs to her, i am sorry.''

i smiled. i felt my face turn to red.

then, everything was a blur.

now, you're lying on the floor with dead eyes.

your blood is on my hands and my laptop.

what did i do josh?

there's a hole in your beautiful heart.

oops.

i killed you.

 

**_Tyler shared the post and closed his laptop._ **

**_Picked up the gun in the drawer and lied next to Josh's cold body._ **

**_He looked at him, trying to remember every detail._ **

**_He held the gun to his head._ **

**_Goodbye Josh._ **

 

**_Boom._ **

 

 


	10. thank you

we're at the end my friend.

i finally finished a fic.

thank you for reading this story and leaving comments. 

i'll see you in an another fic. 

take care.


	11. ruby | alt ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for sticking around.   
> our last song.  
> twenty one pilots - ruby

_**''Daddy! Can you help me with my homework?''** _

 

Tyler stopped reading his old blog, the one he wrote when he was 23, and closed his laptop.

 

_**''I'm coming Ruby!'** _

 

He felt two arms around his body and turned his right to see Josh smiling at him.

 

_**''I love you Tyler.''** _

 

_**''I love you Josh.''** _

 

Josh kissed him slowly.

 

_**''Daddy, please! I understand nothing.''** _

 

Tyler gave Josh a small kiss.

 

**_''I have to go baby. Do you mind joining us?''_ **

 

**_''I don't.''_ **

 

That night, after they sent Ruby to bed and made sure she was sleeping, they got into bed.

 

Tyler hugged Josh and listened to his heart beat for a while.

 

His husband. His lover. His Josh.

 

He looked up to him and smiled at his sleepy face. 

 

Then he fell asleep. 


End file.
